


Does Anybody Hear Him?

by Booklover2020



Category: Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rick Riordan, The Heroes of Olympus - Rick Riordan
Genre: Eating Disorder, M/M, Nico wants to help, One Shot, Will is the one struggling, solangelo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-16
Updated: 2020-05-18
Packaged: 2021-03-02 18:40:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,791
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24221446
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Booklover2020/pseuds/Booklover2020
Summary: Everyone is so used to watching Nico to make sure he's eating and taking care of himself. No one notices that Will has fallen apart.{Also on Wattpad - JemmaJ2020}
Relationships: Will Solace/Nico di Angelo
Comments: 8
Kudos: 140





	1. Chapter 1

Will's stomach growls as he finishes stitching up a wound on Connor's back. The son of Hermes won't tell Will how he got the wound, only that Alice and Julia are evidently "geniuses". The healer is sure he doesn't want to know if it involves those two. Will's stomach growls again and his cheeks redden slightly. 

You would think you'd be used to this by now.

"Hungry?" Connor laughs.

"I keep food in the med closet," Will says, and it's not a lie.

"Or you could come to lunch," Connor points out, "I don't think I saw you at breakfast."

"It's my shift in the infirmary," Will tells him, and this time it is a lie because infirmary shifts switch after breakfast.

Connor doesn't know this, though, and he simply nods as Will finishes stitching the wound. It's quite an impressive gash and Will hopes that this isn't going to be the fate of everyone who stumble upon Julia and Alice's "genius". The healer bandages the wound and Connor pulls his shirt down. Will rattles off various instructions and only stops when he realizes Connor is eyes him suspiciously.

"What?" Will's guard is instantly up.

"Have you lost weight?" Connor asks.

The question brings mixed feelings with it. On one hand, Will feels a sense of accomplishment in knowing that his hard work is being noticed. On the other hand, this could potentially put everything Will is working so hard for in jeopardy. It's better if people don't notice, Will decides, because then they won't care.

"I doubt it," Will says, "I mean, you and I both know I'm about the least active person in this camp."

Connor doesn't say anything. He continues to eye Will, as though he can guess how much weight he's lost by staring. The statement isn't exactly true anymore. Will wakes up early every morning to go for a run and he makes sure he participates in camp activities when he's not in the infirmary. There's only so much activity you can take when you aren't eating, though.

"Well just remember," Connor is saying, "that just because you're a healer doesn't mean you get to worry about everyone else and neglect yourself."

"Of course not," Will keeps his voice casual.

"I'll see you at lunch."

"Sure."

Connor gives Will a look that Will can't quite read and the healer's fate is set. He tries to avoid the dining pavilion whenever possible. He doesn't need people watching the fat kid stuff his face with food. He's been working extra shifts in the infirmary for the past three days, with Kayla and Austin bringing him food that he throws away when their backs are turned. He knows he has a problem. He's a healer for pities sake. He knows this isn't healthy, but he's stuck.

Will takes a seat at the desk he and his siblings use for reading through medical reports and writing notes. The son of Apollo writes several notes to Austin, who is pulling the night shift tonight, and then pulls a medical textbook. Perhaps he has to go to lunch, but he doesn't have to be on time. He's been forgetting symptoms of embarrassingly common ailments lately. He's sure it has to do with the lack of food, but he can't stop.

It's twenty minutes past the time the conch horn sounded for lunch when Will decides he can no longer delay the inevitable. He rubs his face and sighs into his hands. He doesn't want to go choke down a meal of calories. The thought isn't appealing at all, but he can't risk Connor becoming suspicious. 

He gets up far too quickly. He knows what's going to happen before it does. The world changes turns to static and he feels himself falling. He doesn't feel his body connect with the floor, though he knows it does, because his vision turns black.

\---

Nico is sitting with Kayla and Austin, who are arguing about what superpower is the coolest. Nico rolls his eyes at them. They're children of a god, but they want to be superheroes. The son of Hades has had enough heroism to last him a lifetime, but it's fun to watch the siblings bicker. 

He scans the pavilion for Will, but the healer seems to be playing hooky. Healers are allowed to leave the infirmary for meals and, Nico realizes, while Kayla and Austin have always taken advantage of this Nico hasn't seen Will in months. Logically, he knows Will's siblings are bringing him food, but is it enough. It's barely September and Will isn't seen without a hoodie. Even in layers he's clearly lost weight. Nico can't help but worry.

Footsteps sound behind Nico and he turns, hoping to see Will. It's Connor Stoll and he doesn't look happy. The son of Hermes has a look of concern and frustration on his face. Nico turns to say something, but is cut off. 

"Where's Will?" Connor asks.

"Infirmary," Nico answers.

"He said he would come to lunch today," Connor frowns, "I told him to come to lunch."

"Are you okay Connor?"

"Have you gotten a good look at Will lately?" Connor deflects the question, "Like, really looking at him?"

"Not really," Nico says, "he's always bundled up."

"He's not wearing a hoodie today," Connor tells him, "and he looks sick Nico."

Nico's head spins at the words coming out of Connor's mouth. He knows this, has known this for awhile, but hearing it confirmed sucks the air out of his lungs. Nico turns and tells Kayla that he'll be back and follows Connor to the infirmary. 

The infirmary is quiet when the walk in. Will isn't by any of the beds. He's not at the supply closet. Nico enters the room where the children of Apollo have a desk and watches in horror as his boyfriend crumples to the ground in front of him.

Nico runs to his boyfriend and pulls Will into his lap. Everything Connor had said was true. Nico can't see much of his skin, but looking at his collarbones is worrying. Surely they shouldn't be this prominent. Surely his Sunshine shouldn't be this pale. Nico isn't a healer and his body shakes as he tries to find Will's pulse like the son of Apollo had taught him. When he finds it, however weak it may be, he smiles.

"What happened?" Connor appears in the doorframe. 

"He collapsed," Nico says.

"N-Nico," Will's eyes flutter open, though they look slightly unfocused, "was that Connor?"

"We're here Will," Nico tells his boyfriend, "it's going to be okay."

"I passed out, didn't I?"

"Yeah," Nico agrees.

"I was coming to lunch," Will says.

"And why should we believe you?" Connor asks, "Because-"

"Connor maybe you could go get Kayla and Austin," Nico suggests, "I think Will is going to need a physical and take the long way back. I want to talk to my b-boyfriend for a moment."

Connor doesn't look happy, but he does as Nico asks. Nico helps Will sit up, but it's a slow process. It's obvious this isn't the first time the son of Apollo has passed out. Nico curses himself for letting his fear keep him from confronting Will. Holding him, it was clear just how prominent his ribs were and it makes Nico shudder. Nico has spent a lot of time with the dead and he's tired of looking at skeletons. Doesn't Will see what he's done to himself?

After several minutes of sitting on the uncomfortable grounds Nico helps Will up, very slowly, and guides him to one of the beds. The son of Apollo doesn't argue. Instead, he hangs his head and looks utterly defeated. Nico's heart goes out to his boyfriend, who is so obviously in pain and who he doesn't know how to help.

"I'm sorry," Will whispers after he has been propped up on the bed.

"Just tell me why," Nico's voice is pleading.

Various emotions flash across Will's face: embarrassment, pain, frustration, disgust. Nico takes the healer's hand and holds it tightly, hoping to prompt the words from his mouth. Will opens and closes his mouth several times, seemingly unsure of what to say. Finally he sighs.

"I'm disgusting Nico," Will says and Nico's heart breaks, "I'm fat and gross, but that isn't the only reason. So many people have died on my watch. There were so many people I couldn't save and it's my fault. I deserve this Nico."

"No," Nico says firmly, "no you don't."

"Nico-"

"No," Nico stops him, "I don't want to hear how you deserve whatever hell you're putting yourself through. I know I'm not good with words and I probably don't compliment nearly as much as I should, but not only were you stunningly beautiful before you lost became unhealthily thin you are also an amazing person. You-"

"Nico-"

"I'm not finished. You work so hard to heal people Will, but let me tell you something; death is a natural part of life and it's going to find us all eventually. Just because you can't save someone doesn't mean you failed. It's so easy to kill and destroy things, but I can't even imagine how hard it is to protect life from death. You are literally fighting the gods when you do that. Of course you're going to lose people. It's okay and we still love you. I still love you."

Nico whispers the last part. Will has been telling Nico he loves him for at least a month and he hasn't been pressuring Nico to return the sentiment. Nico has been planning on a way to tell Will he loves him for several days; he wanted it to be perfect. While this wasn't his ideal setting Nico could tell by the look his boyfriend was giving him that Will still considered the statement perfect in its own right.

"You love me?" Will repeats, slightly stunned.

"Of course I do," Nico lets out a laugh, though the situation isn't funny, "and because I love you I am not going to let you starve yourself to death. You're a healer Will. Doesn't that go against that oath doctors make?"

"I'm not a licensed doctor," Will says, but he's smiling slightly, "and that oath is for patients, not ourselves."

"But you wouldn't starve a patient," Nico frowns.

"Never!" Will looks affronted.

"Then you shouldn't starve yourself."

The son of Apollo looks like he wants to argue, but just the Kayla, Austin, and Connor burst into the room. Kayla looks furious, Austin looks apprehensive, and Connor has a flurry of emotions on his face. Kayla stomps her way over to her brother and raises her fist as though she's going to hit him, but after taking a long look at him she deflates like a balloon. Tears well up in the young demigod's eyes and she launches herself into her brother's arms instead.

"Why Will?" She sobs.

"I'd like to know too," Austin agrees, "also, Chiron is on his way."

"CHIRON!?" Will exclaims, pushing Kayla off him in a panic. 

"Yes, Chiron," some of the anger returns to Kayla's voice, "you terrified us Will and the only one at this camp who has experience with demigods dealing with eating disorders is Chiron. Connor told him and he's coming after he covers my archery class."

"I don't have an eating disorder," Will says.

"Like Hades you don't," Connor says, "do you own a mirror? I'm sure the Aphrodite cabin would be willing to loan you one."

"Hey," Nico puts his hands up, "anger isn't going to get us anywhere. Will, you can't honestly believe you don't have an eating disorder?"

"I don't want to talk about it," Will puts his face in his hands.

"Well we're talking about it anyway," Kayla sniffles, "because we don't want you to die."

"Okay," Will says through his hands, "okay."

The afternoon passes slowly. Emotions are running wild in the infirmary and Nico finds himself having to keep everyone in check to the best of his abilities. He finds this strange because normally he has a wicked temper himself, but all he feels toward Will is worry and compassion. He understands not feeling good enough, feeling like you're at fault, like you've made too many mistakes to ever be a good person. He gets where Will is coming from, he just wouldn't have chosen to walk the path Will is traveling.

Kayla and Austin force Will into a hospital gown, which Nico wasn't even aware the infirmary had. They weigh him, check his blood pressure, take his temperature, and tap into their healing powers for more in-depth evaluations. It's a well known fact that Will is the best healer in the camp, but Kayla and Austin manage. 

In the end the results are less than encouraging. Will is far below the weight he should be, not that this surprises anyone. It's obvious upon looking at him that he's far too thin. His blood pressure is too low, his temperature is too low, and he has bradycardia. Nico watches with sympathy as his boyfriend shivers in the thin gown, even though he's under several blankets.

Kayla inserts an IV and Austin pulls her into his office to discuss whether they will need to insert a feeding tube. Nico can see Will physically trying to keep from panicking so the son of Hades keeps his hand firmly squeezing his boyfriend's cold one. Connor sits on one of the empty beds and plays with his hands. It occurs to Nico that Connor and Will had dated and it makes sense for the son of Hermes to be worried, but Nico doesn't feel jealousy. He only feels worry.

Eventually Chiron comes in and the mood turns calmer. Austin and Kayla are still arguing about whether to give Will a feeding tube so Chiron gives them the go ahead, telling them it's best to have one in incase Will refuses to eat. At the mention of food Nico feels the grip on his hand tighten. He says a few words to Will and the son of Apollo calms slightly. "I love you" holds power apparently.

Chiron sets a plan for Will with Kayla and Austin while Nico and Connor keep Will company. Connor tells Will about some prank Julia and Alice had set up, making the healer swear not to tell. Nico doesn't say much, but he runs his free hand through Will's golden curls and whispers various things that he loves about Will to his boyfriend. Even though the smile is small, he can tell Will appreciates the sentiment.

The plan comes together and Chiron lays everything out on the table. Will has to stay in the infirmary, getting his vitals checked frequently, until his heart rate and blood pressure are stabilized. Chiron is concerned about what Will's body is doing at night so he'll have to be monitored throughout the night. A meal plan has been set up and exercise has been cut out until Will is out of the danger zone. 

The son of Apollo protests and regains some of his fire, but he's no match for an immortal. Chiron isn't an expert in eating disorders, but apparently they happen to heroes more often than one would think. Every argument Will comes up with is countered and every lie is met with a truth. In the end Will huffs and puts a pillow over his head, not caring if he's being childish.

Cecil and Lou Ellen come in with a plate of food. Lou Ellen chokes up at the sight of her best friend and makes a quick escape. Cecil follows after her, promising to come back and bring lots of games to keep Will entertained. Connor leaves as well, not wanting to overwhelm Will when he's eating. 

"Do you want me to go?" Nico asks.

"Stay," Will's voice is small.

Nico and Chiron watch Will pick at a sandwich, the food never quite making its way to his mouth. Several times it looks like the sandwich or carrots are disappearing from the plate, but Chiron just sighs and tells Will to remove them from the blankets. The son of Apollo blushes and does as he's told. Nico is surprised how good of an eye Chiron has and how sneaky his boyfriend is. He's not used to Will being anything but upfront and honest.

After forty minutes with no food making its way into Will's stomach Chiron calls Kayla to attach a bag to the feeding tube. Nico isn't sure what the puree is and he's not sure he wants to know, but Will seems to view it as an enemy. The son of Apollo starts to claw at the tube, but Nico takes both of his hands in his own and holds them firmly.

"It's going to be okay," he tells Will, "but we have to get some nutrients into you."

Will's look is one of utter betrayal, but he doesn't fight. Nico tells him stories about anything he can think of; mostly Reyna and Hazel. Will's body relaxes and Nico gives him a reassuring look. They're going to be okay. Certainly not today and probably not tomorrow, but everything will be okay. Will is strong and Nico loves him. Nico is not going to lose another person he loves. Never again.

"I love you," Will whispers.

"I love you too," Nico says, "it's going to be okay. I promise."

Nico doesn't know why, but he truly believes in his promise.

It's going to be okay.

Someday.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Notes at the bottom

Recovery was harder than Will could ever have imagined. He hadn't expected it to be easy, but he hadn't realized just how much he was going to struggle. Every day was a battle and Will wasn't a soldier. 

The first week was the worst. Nico practically moved into the infirmary with Will, only leaving when he had a class he knew he'd get in trouble for skipping. The son of Hades was infuriatingly patient with the healer, much more patient than Will was with himself. It's just that Will knew he should know better than to starve himself. He spent his free time reading medical textbooks despite the headaches they caused. There was no reason for Nico to be so patient with him because he shouldn't have put anyone in this situation, but here they were. He deserved to be left alone to die, but Nico and his siblings wouldn't let him.

One morning at breakfast Nico brought in cereal and yogurt. In a revelation that made Will's head hurt he realized that Nico's bowl was bigger than his. When had he started eating less than Nico? Even as he stared at his cheerios long enough for them to go soggy Will realized how pathetic that was.

"Chiron says you should aim to finish breakfast in thirty minutes," Nico kept his tone casual, "try and take a bite please."

The floating calories stared up at Will and a surge of anger flooded him. He didn't think about what he was doing, his brain going from zero to one hundred almost instantly. Before he had time to think about consequences Will had picked up the bowl and yogurt and flung them across the room. The bowl shattered on impact with the wall and the contents soaked the floor. 

Nico's face was neutral, but his eyes betrayed his shock. A moment later the door to the small infirmary office opened and Austin rushed out. The musician had a knife in his hand, ready for a fight. When he saw the scene before him his shoulders hunched. Disappointment was written all over his face. Will's chest twisted with guilt.

"I-I'm sorry," Will stammered, "I don't know why I did that."

"It is what it is," Nico said, giving Will's hand a squeeze, "I'll clean it up."

"And I'll get your breakfast purified so it can go down your tube," Austin sighed.

"But-"

"You made your choice Will," his brother told him, "please don't fight us."

Will clamped his mouth shut. He watched Nico clean up the mess Will had made as though he were a child. The healer offered to help, but Nico didn't want Will getting out of bed. Will's throat was tight with emotion and he felt he would never be able to tell everyone how sorry he was. The best he could do was thank Nico for cleaning up the mess and refrain from clawing out the tube when Austin connected it to his "breakfast". The first task was much easier than the second.

The days blurred together for Will. He found himself in a caught in a pattern and he wasn't proud of the pattern. Will had discovered after a few days that Chiron had left detailed instructions for Kayla and Austin, but a lot of the siblings' medical plan came from their own research. Will put his plan to the test one night after dinner. He told Kayla he wanted to take a shower and the archer had given him the green light. The infirmary had its own shower. Will made his way in and spent the next thirty minutes throwing up his dinner. 

This became a recurring theme. Every night Will would take a shower and spend approximately five minutes actually showering. He would then slip back into his bed and play cards with Nico until lights out. The guilt was immense, but after a week he had only gained a pound so he decided it was worth it. 

On Will's eight day he realized that if he timed it right he could do a few exercises while Kayla or Austin were in the office. Nico had gotten permission from Chiron to sleep in the infirmary, provided he didn't miss too many activities and he slept in a different bed. Thankfully the son of Hades was a heavy sleeper. 

There was a clock on the wall and Will used it to ensure that every night he got at least an hour of various floor exercises. He almost got caught the first night when Kayla had asked him why he was sweating, but Will had learned how to lie. He told her he'd fallen asleep with his head under the blankets and he had a dream that he was being choked. She bought it hook, line, and sinker. Will continued with his exercise plan.

\---

"I don't understand," Kayla said, "your blood pressure has barely gone up at all and you've lost a pound this week."

"I don't know," Will lied, "I'm sorry."

"Something doesn't add up," Nico said, shaking his head, "Will, what aren't you telling us?"

Nico's voice was patient and kind, but it was firm. Will thought that it would be easier if Nico was furiously angry with him, but here he was spending almost every waking minute beside Will and he was being painfully nice. The problem was that Nico was so genuine in his compassion toward the healer. It made Will feel sick to know that he didn't deserve this. He deserved anger and abuse, not gentleness and love. Nico would see it eventually. Everyone would.

"Will?" Nico repeated, "What aren't you telling us?"

"I'm doing everything I can," the lie was bitter on Will's tongue, but he had come this far, "if you don't trust me that's not my fault."

Kayla gasped at both the harshness to Will's voice and the way he was speaking to his boyfriend. Kayla knew he loved Nico, but here he was acting like a jerk. Will's stomach churned. It felt like he had swallowed acid. He knew it wasn't fair to say something so blatantly untrue, but maybe it was better this way. Maybe Nico should learn that Will wasn't a good person sooner rather than later.

"I know you're upset," Kayla told him, "but there's no reason to take it out on Nico, who has been treating you like a king since he found you passed out. Looking at these numbers I agree with Nico. You're doing something to sabotage your recovery. That's the only explanation."

"Or maybe you just don't know what you're doing," Will said, "your gift is archery, not healing. Maybe you should stop trying to be something you're not."

"I'm trying to keep you from dying!" Kayla exclaimed.

"WELL YOU SHOULD STOP! MAYBE I DON'T WANT TO BE SAVED! MAYBE I WOULD BE BETTER OFF DEAD!"

The words hadn't been planned, but they left the atmosphere heavy. Will clamped his hands over his mouth, not because the words hadn't been true but because they had been. Both Nico and Kayla's eyes were threatening to overflow with tears. For the first time in their relationship Will could tell Nico was unsure if Will wanted to be touched. He reached out a hand and took Will's in his own. Will wanted to pull away. He didn't deserve Nico's touch and he especially didn't deserve the son of Hades' love. He couldn't, though. He needed Nico, especially now.

"Where do I even start?" Nico met Will's gaze, "Tell me what you need to hear and I'll reassure you."

"Just hold me," Will's voice has gone quiet, "please."

Nico does this, wrapping his arms around Will's small frame. Will hadn't cried in a few days, but the walls tear down and suddenly he's clutching Nico's sweater as he sobs. The son of Hades stroked the healer's hair and whispered "I love you" over and over. It didn't even occur to Will to be bothered by the fact that Nico was touching his fat sides. It just felt nice to be held.

They sat like that for awhile, long enough for Kayla to leave the room to give them some space. Will knew he should have told them the truth and a small part of him wanted to, but it's the minority and he can't relinquish the control. Nico was almost too understanding and he didn't push the healer to talk about it again. He's free to continue down the road of self destruction.

\---

Two days later at breakfast Will received a surprise. Normally Nico would bring food in and Will would spend the next thirty minutes hiding it. He would get tubed for whatever he "didn't" eat and he would throw away the leftovers when no-one was looking. The pattern would repeat for lunch and he would purge his dinner. He estimated he was getting between three and four hundred calories a day which, combined with his nightly exercise, had put the recovery at a standstill. He felt both pleased and terrible about that.

But it wasn't Nico that came in with food today. Instead Connor Stoll stood in front of Will with two plates of toast, yogurt, and strawberries. It wasn't that Will and Connor didn't get along. They may have dated and broken up, but it had been a very amicable breakup. It's just that Will had gotten used to being around Nico, combined with the fact that he loved him, and Connor's expression was less than pleasant. Besides all this was the fact that Nico had left the infirmary that morning to get food for the two of them. What happened?

"Um, hi," Will said, "what's up?"

"Chiron wanted Nico to stay in the dining pavilion and get some fresh air," Connor explained.

"Okay," Will nodded, "are you going to give me a plate? Or are you going to eat both? Because that's fine by me."

"I'm sure it would be," Connor agreed, "we're going to try something new today."

"What-"

"Take off your hoodie, turn out all your pockets, and push your blankets back," Connor said, "Chiron's orders."

Will's breathing picked up instantly. His heart felt like it was growing heavy and beating erratically in his chest. If he couldn't hide food they would tube him for all of it. Will tried to convey a calm demeanor as he completed the tasks, but his hands shook and his breathing was shallow. He knew he wasn't fooling Connor. The son of Hermes knew him too well.

"Here," Connor handed him a plate, "I've got a carton of milk in my pocket."

"Kayla and Austin let me drink water," Will told him, "I want water."

"You can have both," Connor said, "but Chiron said you need to start drinking some calories since you're losing weight still."

"I don't-"

"I'm not arguing with you on this Will," Connor pulled a carton of milk from his pocket and handed it to the healer, "I'm not Nico. I'm not going to play games. You're going to drink this milk and eating your food or I'm going to shove it down your fucking throat. Got it?"

"Yes," Will said, glaring at his ex. 

His mind raced as he tried to think of what to do with the food. He thought of the pockets on his sweatpants, but those were turned out. The biggest problem was that the blankets were gone. If Will moved his arms Connor would notice. Will hadn't realized how much Nico had been giving Will blind trust because he loved him. Sure, the son of Hades had been suspicious and had voiced a few concerns but that was nothing compared to the death gaze Connor was giving him. Every movement he made was being analyzed. Will didn't like it. He decided not to move.

"It's good food," Connor sighed, "and as a healer you should know that it's very healthy."

"You think jelly is healthy?" Will snorted, "Do you know how much sugar is in that stuff?"

"You do need some sugar to live," Connor said, "now eat the damn toast."

"No."

"What was that?"

"You heard me."

"Then we do it my way," Connor cracked his knuckles and stood up.

Will hadn't believed that Connor would try to force feed him. He may have had a rougher approach than Nico and Will's siblings, but force feeding sounded more like an Ares trait than a Hermes one. So when Connor grabbed a piece of toast and used his free hand to pry open Will's mouth the healer had been shocked. The corner of the bread entered his mouth and he glared at Connor.

"Bite down."

Will did as he was told. Connor removed his hand from Will's face, but he stayed eye level with the son of Apollo. Will chewed quickly to try and avoid absorbing too many calories. Then he gave Connor a smirk and spat the food out onto the other demigod's face. Connor yelled and stumbled off the bed. Will felt bad, but Connor's rough approach kept most of the guilt at bay.

"Seriously Will?" Connor wiped food off his face, "What the fuck!?"

"What is going on out here?" Kayla stepped out of the office and frowned at what she saw.

"I'm assuming I need to tube him?" She sighed.

"Why bother?" Connor threw his hands up in the air, "If he wants to be a bitch and die then it's his funeral."

Kayla slapped Connor across the face for making the remark, but Will was secretly pleased to know that finally someone understood. Finally someone realized he couldn't be saved and that he wasn't worth saving. It was only a matter of time before the others do it too.

\---

The turning point was a series of things, really. The first was when Chiron decided that it wasn't good for Will to be in his head all day and told him he would be coming to the Big House twice a week for counseling. Will wasn't sure that "time" qualified the centaur as a license therapist, but he wasn't given a choice. With a great reluctance he made his was to the Big House.

Will had to admit it was nice to get out of the infirmary. The new regime was kicking his butt and he could feel that he was starting to put on weight. He didn't know how much weight he had put on because he was now being weighed backwards but he knew it must be a lot. The only part of his routine that remained intact was purging after dinner and exercising at night. That was all that was keeping him from becoming a complete pig.

Chiron met Will at the door and they both settled inside, Chiron in his wheelchair and Will on the couch. Will was pleased to note that Chiron didn't seem to be planning on taking notes. At least he wasn't going to completely act like a therapist. Will relaxed ever so slightly.

"Kayla and Austin tell me you are beginning to recover physically," Chiron said, "although the numbers they are giving me still don't look right. Your heart should be stronger by now and your weight should be higher. I will be looking into these things to see where you are being deceitful."

"I'm not being deceitful," Will lied, "maybe they're making a mistake."

"They were trained by you and me," Chiron gave him a smile, "I don't believe that's what is going on. Eating disorders are known for being a world of deceit and trickery. I know you may not want to be deceitful, but whatever you are doing is only hurting yourself."

"Y-Yes sir," Will said.

"Do you want to tell me?" Chiron asked.

"No sir," Will shook his head.

"I see," Chiron put even Nico's loving patience to shame, "tell me, when do you shower?"

"Why does that matter?" Will's guard went up.

"Because I need to know if you are taking advantage of your siblings ignorance," Chiron told him, "if you won't tell me I will get the information from them. Do you shower after a meal?"

"Dinner," Will admitted.

"Not anymore," Chiron gave Will a soft look, "I know it may be hard to have the food settle in your stomach, but it's helping you. As a healer you must know that your body requires calories to function and running on a deficit when you don't need to be is extremely unwise. Especially when the deficit is as extreme as yours. If you can look at recovery from a health perspective as a healer rather than an emotional perspective it may help. It will take time though."

"I don't like being full," Will said, "my stomach feels really stretched after a meal and it hurts. Even after being tubed it hurts and I feel nauseas."

"I'll tell Kayla and Austin to give you a warm compress after meals until your stomach is used to them," Chiron said, "now I have another question. From what I understand this isn't just an issue with your body, it never is, and you're carrying a lot of guilt. What are you carrying?"

"Everyone I couldn't save," Will's eyes watered at the memories, "all the people I killed."

"Now you must understand that directly killing someone and being unable to bring someone back from the brink of death are two entirely different things," Chiron's voice was kind and he smiled at Will, "when the Fates snip a person's tether to the mortal world there is nothing we can do. We would literally be fighting fate at that point. Over the course of your time at camp you have saved so many people and I know they are most grateful. No one but yourself holds you to blame for the lives that you were unable to wrench from the jaws of death. It's very hard being a healer. It's much easier to destroy than to save, but you do your job very well. I hope to help you realize that. We're all very proud of you."

"T-Thank you," Will said through tears.

The conversation didn't get much further. Will's nerves were frayed and he felt like he was going to vomit. Chiron gave him a cup of tea and the healer only spilled a small amount with his trembling hands. Chiron was right in that it would take time, but Will made a promise to himself that he would continue to talk to his teacher and that he would begin to try. For the first time Will had a small candle flame of hope inside his chest. He was determined not to let it go out.

\---

"Sorry it took so long," Nico handed Will a plate and sat on the bed, "Connor stopped me to see when he could come apologize to you."

"What did you tell him?" Will asked.

"I told him to ask Kayla because she's the one that banned him," Nico shrugged.

Will nodded to show he heard and stared at the plate; hot dogs with vegetables instead of chips. Will's mind was screaming at him not to, but he met Nico's loving gaze and he made his choice. His hand shook as he picked up the hotdog. He pulled it into small pieces because the action comforted him. Something in his brain told him there were less calories in smaller pieces. It wasn't true, he knew that, but he accepted any comfort he could get. Tentatively he took a small piece and placed it in his mouth, chewing slowly.

"Will?" 

Nico's eyes were wide and Will couldn't blame him. Ever since he'd been put in the infirmary he had decided he wouldn't let any food pass his lips since he was being tubed anyway. The piece of toast he spat onto Connor was the closest he had come to breaking his promise. It felt like his veins were filled with lead and he could feel the weight piling onto his large frame, but Nico's expression was worth it. He swallowed and took another bite.

"Will," Nico repeated, "you're eating?"

"I thought you wanted me to?" Will said.

"You know what I mean," Nico rolled his eyes, "what changed?"

"I think talking to Chiron is going to help," Will told him, "just don't expect instant progress."

"Of course not Sunshine," Nico smiled, "I love you."

"I love you too."

It wasn't instant. Will didn't finish that meal, but to his surprise he was offered the rest in a creamy vanilla drink. Austin explained to him that Chiron had told them he could start having that to replace what he didn't eat when he was trying to eat. He drank it slowly and curled his free hand into Nico's. Nico pressed a warm compress onto his stomach and gave him a smile. Maybe things would be okay.

\---

The day Will got the tube taken out was exciting. He sat as still as possible while Kayla pulled the tube out of his throat. It hurt and he grunted a little, but Nico was rubbing his back so it wasn't too bad. Kayla made a big show of throwing the tubing away and practically knocked her brother off the bed as she hugged him.

"I'm so proud of you," she said.

"Does that mean I get to leave?" Will asked hopefully.

"Your heart rate at night isn't quite stable," Kayla told him, "you're almost there Will. Just keep doing what you're doing."

Will didn't want to keep doing anything. He was still exercising at night and he knew that was keeping his heart from stabilizing, but he wasn't ready to stop. He couldn't shake the thought that the exercise was the only thing that was stopping him from becoming completely ginormous. His siblings had already had to get him new pants, which they were excited about, and he was horrified at the prospect of gaining anymore weight. According to Chiron's chart, which he had snuck a glance at when Kayla was in the bathroom and Nico was getting food, he still had quite a bit of weight to gain. The thought appalled the healer.

Will was also still on the fence about whether he deserved the pain. He was starting to agree with Chiron that, in some circumstances, he couldn't have been expected to save everyone. But surely he could have saved his brothers? Will wasn't sure he would ever be able to forgive himself for their deaths. 

"Knock, knock," Will looked up and saw Connor standing nervously in the doorframe, "can I come in?"

"I don't know," Kayla glared at him, "do you still think my brother should die?"

"I'm sorry," Connor winced, "I came to apologize."

"Come on Kayla," Nico grabbed the archer's arm, "let's go in the office. You wanted to show me how to take someone's blood pressure, remember?"

Kayla allowed herself to be steered into the office. Connor shifted from foot to foot nervously so Will patted the bed for the son of Hermes to sit down. Connor gave Will a grateful smile and took a seat. 

"I know I was a dick," Connor spoke quickly, "and you have no reason to forgive me. I was so out of line in what I said and what I did and I'm so sorry."

"I forgive you," Will said, "I'm sorry for spitting food on you."

"Water under the bridge," Connor smiled, "I'm just so worried about you Will. We may not love each other the way you an Nico love each other, but I do love you. I don't want to lose you. I-I-"

"I'm sorry," Will closed his eyes, "I've been really selfish and I was incredibly deceitful, but I'm done with that. I promise."

"Does that mean you're done exercising in the middle of the night?" Connor asked.

"How did you know about that?" Will was too stunned to deny it.

"Nico isn't as heavy of a sleeper as you think," Connor said, "he told Austin and I was around when he told him. From what I heard Austin told Chiron, but Chiron said that this is one thing you have to give up on your own."

"Oh," Will didn't know what to say.

"Are you going to stop?" Connor asked.

"I don't know," Will answered honestly, "a part of me wants to, but it's all I have left. It's keeping me from being completely obese."

"All it's doing is keeping your heart from stabilizing," Connor said, "you're too thin Will. You can't seriously think you're overweight, much less obese."

"I'm sorry," Will said and this time he really meant it.

\---

"So," Chiron's said, "I've heard from multiple sources that you're doing better physically, but mentally you are not doing the best. Connor said you told him you see yourself as obese. Was that statement correct?"

"Yes," Will nodded.

"Body Dysmorphia is quite common in people with eating disorders. They'll look in a mirror and see a very large person when, in reality, they are quite small. Over the course of our sessions I have noticed you have a habit of running your hands over your collar bones and checking to see if your wrists fit between your fingers."

"Yes?"

"What I want to know is this; can you feel your bones?"

"Yes," Will said.

"Have you ever placed your hands on your ribcage or your hips?"

"I have," Will agreed, "quite often."

"Do you feel you bones when you do this?" Chiron asked.

"Of course," Will said.

"Logically, do you think if you had a lot of excess fat on your body that you would be able to feel your bones? Or do you think the fat would impede that process?"

"Well," Will frowned, "logically, I suppose fat would keep you from feeling bones protrude. You might be able to feel your bones, but it would be harder."

"With how easy it is to look down and see your bones and feel your bones would you agree that you must be a very thin person?" Chiron had a gleam in his eye, "Logically."

Will hated when Chiron pulled the "logic" card. As a healer Will worked around logic constantly and his brain processed in logical ways. As a person with an eating disorder logic went right out the window. Still, Will couldn't help but admit that what Chiron was saying made some sense. It's not like he wanted to be fat, but-

"I know what I see in the mirror," Will said.

"When you were losing weight you weighed yourself on the scale in the infirmary, correct?"

"Yes."

"Did you trust what you saw more or what the scale said?" Chiron asked.

"I could never see a difference in the mirror so I went by what the scale said," Will told him.

"But surely your bones didn't protrude before you lost weight?"

"No," Will agreed.

"Then if, logically, your eyes are lying to you when you look in the mirror why are you still trusting them to provide you with an accurate image of what you look like?" Chiron stopped for a moment before saying, "You must learn to trust other things. You told me before you began to starve yourself that you could run several miles before being out of breath. That is an indicator of health. So is pulling all nighters in the infirmary. I have seen the way you used to eat and it was very healthy. Despite what your brain may be telling you skinny is not more important than healthy."

It took a few minutes for the information to settle into Will's brain and several more for him to work his way through it. His brain struggled to come up with an argument for what was being said and he had one, of sorts, but it sounded weak even in his mind. Will smiled at Chiron, a small but genuine smile.

"Thank you," he said, "that makes sense."

\---

“I can’t believe how much stuff I had in the infirmary,” Will said, “I didn’t realize I owned that much stuff.”

“I don’t think you had that much stuff at first,” Nico laughed, “people kept bringing you stuff to keep you busy.”

Will smiled at his boyfriend. It was true. Everyone at camp had been in to see Will at one point or another and most of the campers had brought gifts. Will had kept all of them, except for the bag of chips Ellis had brought. Those had been given to Austin. He appreciated the thought, but he wondered where Ellis’s head was at.

Both Nico and Will collapsed onto the healer’s bed. After three days of having a stable heart rate at night Kayla and Austin had released their brother with Chiron’s blessing. He still had to go to the Big House twice a week, but Chiron seemed to feel that Will could be trusted since he had stopped exercising at night.

The decision to stop working out had been like a knife to the gut, but it was slightly easier when Will knew that he wasn’t as stealthy as he thought. He didn’t like knowing he was hurting people so he stayed in bed at night. Some nights he would lay in bed and fidget. His mind would take comfort in even the mist minimal of movements. Even fidgeting burned calories. Eventually Will would manage sleep.

His sleep had improved since he’d starting eating again. When he had been starving himself sleep seemed like a distant dream that he could never reach. Now he was managing almost six hours a night. It still wasn’t ideal, but it was improving. Everything was improving.

“I talked to Chiron and he said you can go for a walk around camp with me everyday,” Nico said, “as long as you aren’t abusing the privilege of being allowed out of bed.”

“Thank you,” Will smiled.

“Of course-“

“No, Nico I mean it. Thank you. I’ve been a jerk and a liar and through everything you’ve been so patient. I don’t deserve your love or your kindness.”

“But that’s the thing Sunshine,” Nico’s eyes were sad, “you deserve all of it and I’m determined to make sure you see it.”

“I love you,” Will told him.

“I love you too,” Nico said, “and I’m going to help you love yourself.”

“Okay.”

—-

Not every battle was won. A month after being discharged from the infirmary Will was getting ready for breakfast and found that his pants were tight again. They buttoned but they were snug. His shirt had been three sizes too big to begin with so he was still swimming in it, but his jeans needed to be replaced. Will’s mind spun.

Disgusting. Fat. Pig.

The words played on a loop combined with others that were even more cruel. Will thought of the breakfast he would be expected to choke down in the dining pavilion and decided that he would prefer to go for a walk. Surely he’d eaten enough food in the past couple of months to last him a lifetime. Surely no one would notice if he skipped one meal.

He took off in the opposite direction of the dining pavilion. Kayla was in the infirmary and Austin had been given permission to walk to breakfast on his own because it wasn’t uncommon for Will to dawdle. Will took advantage of this. He walked alone the edge of the forest and tugged at the waist band of his jeans.

After a few minutes Will decided to start jogging. He jogged to the base of the hill where Peleus was guarding the Golden Fleece. He jogged up and down the hill for around thirty minutes. Peleus paid no mind to the sweaty demigod. Will didn’t want to stop, but he was supposed to take over for Kayla in the infirmary and she would be expecting him to be done with breakfast soon.

Will made his way to the infirmary, wiping the sweat off his face with his hoodie as he went. He found Kayla in the process of splinting Sherman’s foot. Sherman gave Will a nod and Will smiled.

“What happened?” Will asked.

“Nothing,” Sherman said.

“Julia and Alice,” Kayla smirked and Sherman glared at her, “that’s all I’m saying, I swear.”

“Good because I told you the story in confidence,” Sherman told her.

Kayla gave Will an ‘I’ll tell you later’ look and sealed the splint. She’d made it so Sherman could walk on it if he wanted to, but even with ambrosia the type of splint that had been used indicated he would probably not be able to run for several days. Will wasn’t sure he wanted to know what the daughters of Hermes had done.

“Thanks Kayla,” Sherman stood up and began walking out, “see you guys later.”

“Bye.”

“Later.”

“How was breakfast?” Kayla asked, “Better than my apple and milk?”

“Yeah,” Will didn’t elaborate as he didn’t know what they’d had for breakfast, “yeah, it was good.”

“Good,” Kayla gave him a smile, “I’m going to get some real food and then some sleep. Did they have Lucky Charms?”

“I’m not sure,” Will tried to keep his voice steady.

“Why would you be, you only ever eat the healthy cereals,” Kayla laughed, “alright I’ll see you later.”

Will watched his sister go and then went into the office. He went through papers and ignored the growling of his stomach. It felt both right and wrong to be hungry. Will pushed the thoughts from his mind and focused on his notes from the night shift. He would eat lunch, maybe.

“Hello?” Will looked up and saw Ellis holding his wrist.

“What happened?” Will asked, getting up.

“Someone rigged the Ares cabin door,” Ellis frowned, “a rope caught me by the legs and I caught my wrist on the way down.”

“Oh dear,” Will sighed, “go sit down and we’ll see if it’s broken. We’ll have to let Chiron know because pranks that hurt people aren’t okay and you’re the second camper here from that this morning.”

Ellis sat on a bed and Will checked his wrist. It turned out that Ellis was more unlucky than Sherman and his wrist was fractured. Will gave him some ambrosia and splinted it. With the ambrosia it would heal quickly, but it still needed to be immobilized until it was healed. Will was almost finished when the door to the infirmary opened.

“Ballsy,” it was Austin’s voice, “if I skipped breakfast I would make myself scarce, not show up for my shift in the infirmary.”

“Will,” and there was Nico, “where have you been?”

“You’re done,” Will gave Ellis a tight smile, “do you two have to start with me in front of a patient?”

“Yes!” Austin exclaimed and Ellis sat back looking interested in the scene playing out, “you can’t skip meals Will. You still have weight to gain.”

“I’m not gaining anymore weight,” Will’s voice was tight, “my jeans don’t even fit now.”

“Is that what this is about?” Nico asked, “Will if those jeans don’t fit that’s a good thing. You shouldn’t fit into jeans that small. You know I got those jeans are meant for kids. You aren’t a child anymore.”

“I-I just can’t,” Will sat on the bed, “I’m sorry.”

“I’m going to go and see what Chiron wants me to do in this situation,” Austin said, “keep him here Nico.”

Nico nodded and Austin slipped out the door. Ellis sensed there wasn’t going to be a fight and followed the musician out. Nico sat down next to Will and took his hand. He rubbed circles into it with his thumb and seemed to be looking for the right words to say.

“Tell me what you’re thinking,” he said finally.

“Haven’t I eaten enough food in the past two months to last a lifetime?” Will frowned, tugging his hair with his free hand.

“I don’t think that’s how it works,” Nico said, “your body needs a certain number of calories to function and then it needs a certain number of calories extra because you burn off calories from moving. I know you think you aren’t active, but you are. Even when you’re just sitting you’re fidgeting. You’re doing it right now.”

And he was. Will hadn’t noticed but he was bouncing his leg up and down. He tried to stop, but he couldn’t seem to get the message through. Nico’s gaze wasn’t pitying but it held sympathy. Will was thankful for Nico in that moment. He really had the best boyfriend in the world.

“I still don’t think I can eat right now,” Will said, “I’ll try lunch but I just can’t eat breakfast.”

“I understand,” Nico told him, “I know it must be really hard. I’m not going to force you, but I don’t know what Chiron is going to say.”

As it turned out Chiron also seemed to think that one meal shouldn’t be seen as a complete relapse. Austin was clearly angry with the centaur as he explained to Will that he was allowed one pass. If he skipped lunch he would have to make it up with a meal replacement drink. If he skipped dinner and refused the drink he would be tubed and the tube would be kept in until he started eating again.

“Personally I think you should be tuned right now,” Austin grumbled.

“We don’t want to punish him for having a small lapse,” Nico reasoned, “if things really take a turn we’ll take the necessary precautions.”

Austin looked like he wanted to argue, but he took a deep breath and left the room. Will have his boyfriend a big hug for defending him and for believing in him. He also made a mental note to thank Chiron the next time he saw him.

Nico stayed in the infirmary with Will until lunchtime. After another Ares camper came in with a dislocated shoulder Nico ran and told Chiron about the prank. Will wouldn’t have wanted to be Julia or Alice right then, but as lunch drew nearer he wasn’t sure he wanted to be himself either.

“I can bring lunch in here if it would make you more comfortable,” Nico offered, “I know you don’t like eating around so many people.”

It was a small gesture, but it meant the world to Will. While Nico grabbed lunch Will made up the beds that had been used. He disinfected a few surfaces and he felt better by the time Nico came back. He had almost forgotten that Nico was coming back with food. Then the son of Hades appeared with two plates of sandwiches and fruit and Will was reminded of his options.

“I hate food,” Will said, taking the plate.

“I used to,” Nico agreed, “but I like it now because I realize I need it.”

Will glared at the sandwich and poked it. He heard Nico laugh at his behavior and he stuck his tongue out at him playfully. He knew he had to eat, but his mind was a whirlwind. Hesitantly he picked the sandwich apart until he had dozens of tiny pieces. He then took a small bite of the fruit instead.

“Hazel sends her love,” Nico said, “and Reyna said if you don’t make a full recovery she’ll kill you.”

“The difference between those two is astounding,” Will laughed, “but I appreciate them both.”

“I hope you know I agree with Reyna,” Nico’s voice was serious, “if you had died on me I would have opened the Doors of Death to bring you back.”

“You don’t mean that,” Will’s said, surprised, “we’re all going to die someday.”

“Not thing young,” Nico shook his head, “and not from an eating disorder. If you’re going to die it’s going to be when we’re old and I can’t protect you from monsters anymore. Not because I can’t protect you from a monster in your head.”

“I-I’m so sorry,” Will’s voice shook.

“Just focus on eating,” Nico said, “and talk to one of us when you’re struggling instead of skipping meals.”

“Okay.”

Will doesn’t finish his meal. He doesn’t even touch the sandwich. He wants to, he does, but he can’t. The voice is too loud and he’s too weak, but he drinks the meal replacement that Nico gives him. He makes the son of Hades promise that it’s been measured so he’s not drinking too many calories. He trusts Nico, but his brain is paranoid.

Recovery is a slow process and not every battle is a victory. Some meals are skipped. Some days he jogs when he hasn’t been cleared for exercise. Some days he sits in his session with Chiron, listening to the centaur talk but not saying a word. But through it all he gets stronger. With every failure comes a victory. He may not eat a meal, but he drinks the replacement. Maybe he goes for a jog, but he eats a granola bar to make up for it. He talks to Nico when he doesn’t want to talk to Chiron. Though he may take a step back he doesn’t go back to the beginning. He’s getting better and for the most part he’s happy.

Finally.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I based a lot of this off my time recovering from at eating disorder. I know people say your metabolism will stop and once you start eating again you will gain weight no matter how little you eat and that can be true, but it wasn't for me. I went into a refeeding program and had to eat ridiculous amounts of food (I was always sick) and I barely gained any weight. I stopped eating when I got out and immediately started losing weight again so it's entirely possible that this could happen. I also want to say that I hope people don't see Connor as a bad person in this story. People react differently to people with eating disorders. When someone you love is killing themselves that can make you angry. This was a bit of a reflection on how my dad, who I know loved me, acted. Connor cares, he just doesn't know how to act. Anyway, thanks for reading. I hope you liked it!

**Author's Note:**

> Hi. I hope you liked this. If anyone want a part two, let me know. I have some ideas, but I don't want to write anything until I know people are interested. Also, if anyone has any requests I want to start a book of one shots so feel free to request a one shot. Thanks for reading!


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